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From Mensagenda - January 2002
Couch Potato SIG
Ken Kuller
This month Couch Potato SIG profiles “Benchwarmer Bob”
Lurtsema for his accomplishment of turning benchwarming into a career.
Of course, his was not the desired success of someone who loved to sit, but
rather the misfortune of having been a second-string professional football
player on a team whose first string players never missed a game — and rarely
even a defensive play — in 11 seasons. First-string teammates Gary
Larsen, Jim Marshall, Alan Page, and Carl EIler dominated the football field
with such powerful defensive play that they earned the collective name “The
Purple People Eaters.” Their parting words to each other before lining
up at the line of scrimmage were usually “Meet you at the quarterback.”
The Minnesota
Vikings picked up Bob Lurtsema in 1972 after he had been dropped from
the New York Giants’ roster. (Minnesota also reacquired Fran Tarkenton
from the Giants that same year.) In effect, Lurtsema’s job provided
him a front-row seat to watch a legendary team, budding with both talent and
energy. In 1974, TCF
launched an ad campaign intended to feature someone local who was relatively
unknown, but likeable. Jim Lovdahl dreamed up the nickname
“Benchwarmer Bob,” and Lurtsema became an instant local celebrity.
(The phrase ”couch potato” wouldn’t be coined until 1976.) He remained
their spokesman for 13 years.
Although “Benchwarmer Bob” preferred the older, wooden
benches to the colder, aluminum that was used later in his career, he has
already seen numerous other quality improvements. For example, most
stadium benches did not have backs when he began his football career.
“Modern athletes are spoiled by today’s comfortable benches,” he observed.
Today, “Benchwarmer Bob” runs the Viking Update. He still watches
every Vikings game from the sidelines, although now from the relative
comfort of a press console.
"Benchwarmer Bob” no longer plays second string to
anyone, especially when it comes to the TV remote controls. His
home-entertainment system requires five remotes to operate and, although
some of the buttons have their legends worn to “nearly legible,” they do
contain a few “mystery” buttons that he’s never figured out how to use.
When asked about warm-ups, he advises that the most important pre-bench
exercise is belt control. “You have to pull your belt up at least
½ inch above any part that would normally hang
over your belt.”
“Benchwarmer Bob” prefers gathering all of his snacks
in advance, rather than running for more during commercials. He
recommends keeping the distance from the middle of your knee to the center
of the ottoman at no more than 3.64 inches for optimal comfort. This
also establishes a zone in which snacks can be guarded from spilling.
“And if they do spill, that makes them easier to cover up.” Lurtsema
admits to a special fondness for Oreo
cookies, but is agreeable to any snack that happens to be available.
He also suggests setting a telephone within reach so you won’t have to get
up to answer it when it rings.
It has been a rare privilege for me to shine the
spud-light on this two-time Superbowl participant and un-common \'tater as we
prepare for Superbowl XXXVI — the biggest event of the year for most couch
potatoes. (Note: When I wrote this, I expected Superbowl Sunday to be
January 27. That turned out to be the date of the NFL Conference
championship game, a couch potato’s “dress rehearsal” for the Superbowl,
which will instead be played on Sunday, February 3.)
As usual, only major Couch Potato SIC events appear on
the Mensa calendar, but you may participate
whenever you want. You may begin early or stay late at this month’s
SIG (in-)activities, as they occur within the comfort of your own home.
Snacks and beverages are recommended, but none are provided; you must bring
your own. All participation is voluntary, nonrewarded, and taken at
your word — on the honor system.
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