Be who you are, and the happiness will follow.

No matter who you are, somebody somewhere will approve or disapprove of you specifically because of who you are. Whether you’re young or old, male or female, rich or poor, green-haired or left-handed, some people will look down on you for being female, or wealthy, or green-haired, while others will approve of you for the very same reasons.

Thinking along these lines, I decided at about age 19 that somehow, fundamentally, I must not care what others think of me. This applies to outside appearances and to things I can’t change, and, more important, to the inner values I hold and the lifestyle choices I make. My youthful concerns regarding social acceptance have evolved into something a bit more meaningful.

Bill Cosby said, "I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." Bob Dylan asked, "What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do."

I’m intrigued by the lifestyle choice of making absolutely sure you do what you want between the time you wake up and the time you go to bed, regardless of what others may expect.

So, to start with the shallower outside appearances and move deeper: what do you wear? And what does your costume say about what you value? What are your food and shelter choices and how much do they really cost you? To what extent can you be the person you want to be and do what you want with your time and your life? How much of a façade do you adopt to gain the approval of others? If you work, are you spending your time in ways that you actually like? What matters more to you, how your boss evaluates your performance every six months, or how you measure up to your own standards daily? Does your work setting erode or enhance your natural personality? Do you follow a sleep schedule that suits you, or do you run your life to match someone else’s clock? Is your greater duty to follow the rhythms of your body or a work whistle?

Admittedly, the need for money can heavily influence what we do and who we are. I assume that for many people the need to pay this month’s bills keeps them from doing and being what they want over their lifetimes. Sometimes you gotta please the boss to pay the bills.

I have monthly bills to pay, too, and recognize that we all operate in a society driven by the rules of money. No one, no matter their net worth, is exempt from these rules; it costs me exactly as much to buy a particular meal at a restaurant as it does the next person. So, how can we prevent money needs from overly determining who we are? Frugality and simplicity may mean deprivation to some, but to me the far greater deprivation would be missing out on doing what I want because I’m financially overburdened by my own lifestyle choices.

It’s easy to get sucked into thinking that the job you work to pay the bills is who you are. Tom Clancy, Stephen King, and Douglas Adams are three of countless best-selling authors who started out as chicken-shed cleaners, laundry workers, insurance brokers, security guards, and so on. Apparently, they did not allow these jobs to overly determine who they were, and they made contributions beyond the cleaning of chicken sheds. They epitomize the maxim, "Do what you love and the money will follow."

Few chicken-shed-cleaning writer wannabes become best-selling authors. But only those who try do. If you are a writer, write (or if you’re a potter, pot). Be who you are. The money may or may not follow, but, more important, the happiness probably will.