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From Mensagenda - April 2002
The Day of the Pineapple
There was a kid in my class, a skinny kid with glasses,
smart but not too smart, not really popular but friends with the right people.
Although I went to school with him from first grade to senior high, I really
don’t have a lot of stories to tell about him.
Except for the time he brought a hand grenade to school.
It was the coolest show-and-tell ever. This was back
in the mid-’60s, when we were in the second or third grade. It wasn’t a
fake or toy grenade, or a practice grenade, but a real grenade with the
explosive removed. Every once in a while he would unscrew the top and
shake out a few black specks. “Look at that! There’s still some
gunpowder in it.”
And at the end of the day, he took it home.
For me, the most remarkable thing about this memory
is that I remember nothing about the teacher’s reaction. I can’t remember
if she was scared or unhappy or amused or blasé. Of course, we know what
the reaction would be nowadays. It would make national news.
But at the end of the day, he took it home. No one raised a fuss, no one
took it away from him, no one recommended him for therapy. He took it
home, and later brought it back at least once.
So what’s my point? Am I turning into a premature
geezer, reminiscing at the drop of a hat? “By crackey, I remember the good
old days, when a kid could still bring a big ol’ pineapple to school and no one
would say ‘boo’ about it.”
Yeah, that’s it. Those were the days, my friend.
I’d thought they’d never end. Except that you know and I know that it’s
not the point. This is one of those things that every writer hopes for,
something that is a symbol of all that was right and all that was wrong.
After all, it’s every boy’s dream to have his own grenade. And in those
days, kids could be kids, and we didn’t get too upset about these things.
On the other hand it’s, well, more than a little creepy in retrospect. As
far as I could tell, the kid grew up fine, causing no trouble in school and
becoming a productive member of society. Yet it could easily have been the
sign of real trouble.
I’m entering an age when I’m starting to get nostalgic
about things, a sometimes debilitating condition. That comes at a time
when the pace of change is so fast that people say, “I remember back when...” to
talk about things that happened last year.
I’ll tell you what: If I get misty-eyed and froggy of
voice, you have permission to give me a whack.
After all, that’s how they used to fix televisions.
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