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From Mensagenda - May 2002
Parting (Rim) Shots
Ron Corradin
Have you decided on the music for your funeral yet? Now
might be a good time. While it’s not as important as making a will, signing an
organ donor card, or telling off someone you’ve always despised, it’s a final
opportunity to let people know how you feel about life, them, and everything. Remember, no matter what music you choose to have played, no one can get back at
you for it. Just make sure you pick the right person to carry out
your wishes. You want someone with a
good knowledge of music and the tenacity
of a bulldog.
Maybe you share Joni Mitchell’s idea
of “Leave ‘em laughing when you go.” Or
maybe you agree more with Woody
Allen’s view, “As long as I’ve made someone
a little more miserable, I’ve done my
job.”
There are the traditional songs, like
Nearer My God to Thee (popular on the
Titanic), Amazing Grace, and I Am the Bread
of Life. Another more recent popular
choice is On Eagle’s Wings, by Michael Joncas, a priest who teaches at the University
of St. Thomas in St. Paul.
But if you’re a baby boomer, then
you’ve probably gotten through life by
being a cynic and a smartass. I know I
have. So there’s no reason to change when
choosing the music for an event where
you at least won’t have to worry about
the caterer’s bill.
Dust in the Wind by Kansas is an obvious
choice, but it’s pretty maudlin. Anything
by Barry Manilow or Anne Murray
will probably cause a scene, or symptoms
in the crowd that are indistinguishable
from food poisoning.
A wedding march is a bad choice,
unless you have an ex-spouse you’d like
to annoy one last time. Hall of the Mountain
King has a nice beat, but you can’t
dance to it and it gets repetitious. The
same is true for Bolero, unless you’re still
obsessed with Bo Derek and you don’t
care who knows it. If you’ve led a great
life, then the best possible choice is the Ode to Joy from Beethoven\'s
Ninth Symphony. Play it loud and rattle the widows.
Yesterday, by the Beatles, has the right
feel to it, but the lyrics don’t match the
occasion. Better choices would be Get Back,
or even Maxwell’s Silver Hammer. Let it Be
will probably be vastly overused for
boomer funerals.
If you want to blow the doors off the
place, try Radar Love, by Golden Earring,
Don’t Fear the Reaper, by Blue Oyster Cult,
or Joe Cocker’s version of With a Little
Help from My Friends. Speaking of the
Doors, don’t choose The End, or everyone
will think they’re stuck in the opening
scenes of Apocalypse Now.
To leave people in tears, the clear
choice is I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry, or
Nights in White Satin, by the Moody Blues. Or maybe Joni Mitchell’s
Blue.
Looking for something melancholy
or existentialist? Try Bob Dylan’s I Want
You or Mr. Tambourine Man, or some Leo Kottke guitar work.
If you’ve had a lifelong bad relationship
with the Catholic Church, let me
recommend playing a tape of George
Carlin’s comedy routine “I Used to Be
Irish Catholic” from his Class Clown album,
in lieu of music. That’ll fix ‘em.
Of course, if you want any of this it
won’t be in a Catholic church, since the
Church bans secular (nonreligious) music
at funerals.
As for me, I have three songs picked
out so far. The first is my theme song
since college, Goin' Down the Road Feelin’
Bad, by the Grateful Dead. The second is
John Prine’s Please Don’t Bury Me, and
the third is the Who’s My Generation:
“People try to put us down
Just because we get around
Things they do look awful cold
I hope I die before I get old.”
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