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From Mensagenda - December 2002
Partly Cloudy
by Karen Cyson
Dear Santa,
I have been a very good girl this year,
considering the provocation.
This year I would very much like to
receive a pair of wool clog slippers. OK,
OK, hold the belly laughs. I know I whined
from age 3 on, every time my Aunt Milly
gave me slippers. I’m over it now. And
my feet are cold.
I could also really use a small shelf to
hold the canning jars full of
dried herbs that I keep on
the basement stairs landing.
For some reason
these jars seem to take
on a life of their own
and throw themselves
on suicide missions
down the steps.
I figure if they are restrained
by a shelf, the
jars are less likely to
play their little downhill
game of “bowling
for parsley.”
If you can find one, I’d like a pink and
white-striped button-down oxford cloth
shirt, size 12. I have no justification for
this. I just want one.
And I could use a pair of black rainresist
shorts. I know that probably sounds
silly, but seriously: when I’m out walking
on a summer morning, and it’s raining,
I can wear my rainjacket, but my
shorts still get wet. I’d be hard pressed to
think of a more miserable way to begin a
day than with soggy shorts. Can you?
I can’t think of a whole lot more that
I want or need.
You know, Santa, there are some spirits
out there that have really taken the
burden off of you in terms of wish fulfillment.
I speak, of course, about the twin
goddesses, eBay and Alibris. I’ve managed
to find just about every obscure
book, outdated recording, collectable trinket,
and memorabilia totschka that I’ve
ever had on a list.
With a little bit of computer savvy and
a modicum of money, I’ve found stuff I’ve
looked for, thought about, or coveted for
years. There are only two things wrong
with this instant gratification: (1) It leaves
me with no quest, no goal. There are items
I’ve looked for for years. Now with a click
and a check, they arrive in my mailbox. I
feel like Don Quixote once he’s collected
every style windmill. (2) This acquisition
is all done with a click on a mouse. I hate
mice. Couldn’t we call that little lump
something else? Just don’t call it a clown.
I’m not fond of them either.
Hey, here’s an idea. You think of
a new name for a computer
mouse. Then, put a new one
in everyone’s stocking with
a note saying,” Here’s
your new _____. Love,
Santa.” That way, everybody
will get up
Christmas morning and
say, “Look, Santa
gave me a new____”
and the world will
change for the better.
So, if you’ve got time,
Santa, you might get working on this
idea. Have a naming contest with the elves.
Or ask the kiddies to submit name ideas
with their lists.
That’s all I can think of for this year,
Santa. You have yourself a nice Thanksgiving
and say hi to the Mrs. for me.
Don’t work too hard.
Love, Karen
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