The Mind Trap

If You're So Smart ...

by Rebecca Chesin

Did you ever hear that as a kid? If you were a gifted child, you probably have heard IYSS or some variation many times. I certainly did. Fortunately, once we reach adulthood, most people will at least pretend to have enough courtesy to not say it to our faces. Unfortunately, by then any damage has probably been done.

The people who keep this trope alive do so because they have mistaken beliefs about what it means to be gifted, or outright prejudices against the gifted. It’s a pity that so many of these people are, in fact, gifted themselves, having internalized this message from their own childhoods.

Being smart isn’t a guarantee that we will always exercise good judgment or common sense, nor that we never make “stupid” mistakes.

It’s understandable how the gifted and those who are in their lives get the idea that being smart means equally smart across all areas — it seems logical on the surface. Most of us don’t know much about how high intelligence affects psychological development. A lot of us didn’t have family, friends or teachers who understood giftedness any better. So when our behavior didn’t measure up to expectations an exasperated IYSS might follow.

It takes an emotional maturity most 5-year-olds don’t have to recognize how flawed such statements are.

I went through several distinct stages in learning to deal with this criticism. First came confusion and discouragement, then the anticipatory cringe. Next I developed an imposter complex, which in turn fueled a several-decade affair with perfectionism. And even today, I sometimes hear an inner voice making an IYSS remark when I’ve done something I consider somehow below my capabilities.

The term describing when the developing intellect and developing judgment don’t keep pace with one another is asynchronous development. Asynchronous development is common among high IQ people. It’s also more noticeable because the areas where you’re gifted stand out that much more against areas of “average” accomplishment. When giftedness is not equal across the board – and in most cases it isn’t – it’s often frustrating for the gifted person and bewildering to those around him/her. This can lead to those IYSS statements.

The thing is, smart people make mistakes, just like everyone else. And except in some of my fantasies, high intelligence is not, sadly, a superpower.

So the next time someone says to you, “If you’re so smart …” (especially if you're saying it to yourself), you can remind the person that both of you are smart enough to know the difference between having some higher-than-average abilities and always being totally competent at everything you do.

Rebecca Chesin is a psychotherapist with a private practice in the Twin Cities (www.timeforclarity.com). When not working with clients, Rebecca might be found in her large garden, where all the plants accept her just the way she is.